Whenever multiple hectic things are going on in my life I tend to freeze up. My mind just overflows and all I can see are the spikes on the road ahead. I only see the worst case scenarios instead of what good might actually happen.
It angers me that I cannot see through the trees blocking my view
It scares me
It overwhelms me
It freezes me
My mind seems to fog-up with a haze of uncertainty. A haze that fills me with despair, headaches, nausea, terror, anger, frustration…
… and then, it just leaves
And when it leaves, I stop
It’s there for only a few moments, pushing my body into overdrive only to disappear in an instance leaving me gasping for air.
The most beautiful view comes after the hardest climb!
My mind, still too foggy to make sense of what just happened. My body, not knowing what to do, starts to shake. I cannot catch the words floating on my tongue, so they just linger there until I can finally push my body to say those words when there is no need for them any more.
I feel trapped in my own mind
With a body not knowing how to react
And when I sit there in a room alone
I feel like I don’t exist
I want to scream but my vocal cords feel too heavy
I want to cry but my body won’t let me
When I want to move, my body is not responding
Like my mind and body are no longer connected
So I just sit there, drowning in my own thoughts
Thoughts I try so desperately to drown out
It’s like white noise fills my head, making it heavy and unresponsive
So I just wait.
I wait until my vision blurs and I can see through those trees blocking my view. And I finally remember to take back control of my own mind, and my body starts to listen again. When taking back control of my own mind I plant a seed of inspiration, urging it to grow as quickly as I want. Urging it to grow as big as a mountain and I rise up with it. But when it stops I do not see through the trees. I’m towering over it. And all I see is a mountain. Another obstacle to climb. But I see myself standing on top of that mountain, enjoying the view it provides.