Where was the voice that could have warned me about the guilt I would feel? The guilt that was not even supposed to be mine. Years of living in fear and walking on egg shells, feeling like no one would stand by my side. On good days you would make me feel like I was your princess, the brightest star in the sky. The life we lived was like a fairytale. All sunshine and roses, cute pictures and laughing. Staying up late to watch a movie or dance around the living room. But that was all charades. A picture perfect life for the outside world to see. And I fell for it, fell for it hard. I believed every white lie you told me, didn’t think twice that you would ever hurt me. And just like that, my fantasy fell apart.
There was screaming and yelling and throwing picture frames at walls. Your anger scared my but somehow it was always my fault. My fault there was no money to spend, that the house was a mess. Off course it was my fault you punched through the wall, for all the fights we had. And when you slammed the door and I went upstairs, it would be my fault I lay trembling and crying in bed. Waking up alone in the bed we used to share, still afraid and shaken up I needed to get downstairs. I would find you passed out in the living room but wouldn’t dare wake you up. I would get to cleaning up this house, because I’m the princess in this story. Well isn’t that just my luck. But I couldn’t leave this storyline even if I wanted to. It’s the game that you play, making me believe that I needed you.
It took me too long to realize that what we had was poisonous and wrong. That you are not supposed to treat one another like this, that this is not where I belong. I turned my fear into strength and started to cut ties. With your friends and family who would only choose your side. I was ready to burn the bridge you build because I deemed it unfit. Even if it meant that I would still be standing on top of it.