When your smile starts to fade

Smiling like the happiest person on earth. You flow through the day as if you’ve just won the lottery. You’re ready to jump in and help other while still doing you part. All with a glow that seems to follow you around.

Coworkers smile when they see the little jump in your walk to the vending machine. Strangers on the street see nothing but happiness eminating from you, as if you came right out of a dream. You shine and float, smiling ear to ear. Your laugh bringing joy to everyone who hears. You levitate – don’t hesitate, glow as you speak.

And if someone would paint a picture of how you would look, I’d see butterflies and blue skies, animals and trees. Flowers blooming with every step you take. Wearing a sundress that flows in the wind. Sitting on your body so perfectly curved and sun kissed skin. Long hair trailing down your back, held together in a bride like braid.

Living your best life, having everything figured out. Glowing and shining with your chin held high. You jump and you skip with energy to spare. Atleast, so it seems.

But when you come home with no one around, your smile fades and the mask falls down. Sitting in silence thoughts criple your mind and you dissapear. You fade in and out of reality. Overthinking every word you spoke, every step you take. “Am I good enough? Will this feeling ever go away?”

Instead of doing anything to stop the thinking you spiral out of control. Sitting in the same position without moving a muscle you let the hours pass by. Every minute slower than the one before but nothing seems to change. The TV playing a show you don’t remember putting on but you won’t turn it off. Your phone in your hand you’re typing away yet another message “I am okay”.

No one seems to notice the mess in your mind. The dark twists and turns of your tangled brain. Your apetite is lost and you barely sleep. But no one sees it, because you keep it in. You can’t say a word since no one would understand. The response you’ll get is always “It’s just in your head.”. But that’s the whole problem, why can’t they see it. It’s not there to touch, only for you to feel it. The heaviness in your bones making your body ache. The silent war you fight every day.

But you keep on moving, hoping for better times. Because deep down you know that you can break free of the sorrow, and eventually you’ll be fine.

3 responses to “When your smile starts to fade”

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